epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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