Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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