Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
my poor anus
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
