some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
