Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
