i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
