I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
