she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize