im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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