I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
