just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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