Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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