i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize