i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
