We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
