I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
