i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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