its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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