i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
