i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
