I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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