Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
