What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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