so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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