I used to practice getting hit by cars.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
