Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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