That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
