Tell her she can't have a vagina
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
