am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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