The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I AM VODKA MAN
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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