She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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