just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
