Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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