Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
