Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
