So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
