is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
