Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
