Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
