I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
