I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
