Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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