I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
