i think my mom watched the whole time
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
