you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
