and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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