So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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