bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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