is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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