Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
