We're facebook friends in real life
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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