I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
