I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
