You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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