You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
