I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
