just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You pole danced in your parka.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
