Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
