mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
