This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
