His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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