Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
