Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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