Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
