if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
