"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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