Little spoons don't ask big questions
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
